So you’re looking for a wife. For various reasons, you have not managed to find one at home. Through a Russian marriage agency, you’ve got in touch with a handful of promising brides: beautiful, smart and educated women who seem ideal. On screen, at least. The question is, how do you know that what you see is what you get? The answer: you don’t. But there are ways to reduce the risks. Here’s how.
Why Women Might Use a Russian Marriage Agency
First, you need to understand why Russian women would take the risk of marrying a stranger from overseas. If you’re honest with yourself, you'll realize that it’s not because of your charms. There are other factors at play. Here are some consideration that Russian women have:
- Opportunities for their children. Russia is blessed with natural resources and many sectors of the economy are booming. But the benefits do not necessarily accrue to the most talented. They accrue to the most connected. If you are a woman from a small, provincial city, or do not have good connections, these opportunities will pass you by. More importantly, they will pass your children by. Marrying a foreigner is a way out.
- Greater equality. Although Russian women usually work full-time, they also bear most of the responsibilities in the home, from child-rearing to housework. There is a perception that Western men are willing to do more in the home.
- Shortage of suitable men. In Russia, as well as many countries of the former Soviet Union, there is a shortage of marriageable men, at least in major cities. One reason for this is that women are more likely to migrate from small towns and villages. Another is that many men are unemployed, alcoholics or in prison. True or not, many Russian women perceive Western men as better providers, more stable, more reliable, less abusive, and more family-oriented. Comments by women on Russian marriage agency websites tell the story: "I want to find a civilized, educated, kind person," or "I would like him not to drink a lot and not to be a gambling man."
- Escape from poverty. Although there is plenty of poverty in the West, Russians often equate Westerners with wealth. This is partly because most Western men in Russia or the former Soviet Union have good jobs and are wealthy in comparison to most of the local population. Many indicators of success in Russia, such as owning a car, living in a single-family home with land, or living apart from your parents, are the norm in the United States.
- Escape from authoritarian life. Russia, and other countries of the former Soviet Union, may have escaped Communism, but none have fully escaped corrupt, authoritarian regimes except for the Baltic nations. Russia today is not a free country. Many young people find it easier to emigrate than to stay home and fight for democratic freedom.
What does this mean for a Western man? Basically, it means you have the chance to marry a woman who would be out of your league at home.
Watch Out for Scams
But are all Russian women who use Russian marriage agencies honest women who want nothing more than a happy family life? No. Unfortunately, some of them are out to scam lonely men, sometimes in collaboration with a dishonest Russian marriage agency. Some common scams are as follows:
- Travel expense fraud. Some women will ask for money to finance a trip to visit you. They might just ask for ticket money, or may say that they need money for the visa or for a company that can organize the trip. After you send the money, they disappear, or come up with more reasons (which require additional payments) that they cannot make the trip. To mitigate this risk, it is much better for prospective husbands to make the trip. A good rule of thumb: if a Russian woman asks for money in order to see you, it’s is probably a scam, even if she sends copies of visas or tickets. These are often fake.
- Sick relatives. Another common scam is claiming that there has been a family tragedy. It could be an accident. Or cancer. Whatever the ailment, it will cost a lot of money to fix. Don’t be surprised if your prospective bride asks for cash for medical treatment. Don't be afraid to say no, she's probably asking five other guys as well.
- Scams on your visit. If you visit your prospective bride’s country, there is a chance of being scammed. Your prospective bride may recommend a travel agency, accommodation or other service which will either overcharge you or just take your money and run. If you visit, try to make your arrangements on your own.
Does this mean that all Russian women are out to take advantage of you? Not at all. Many are decent and honest and simply want a good life with a good man. A Western man using the services of a Russian marriage agency should simply keep his eyes open, and be aware of the motives of potential brides and the agency he works with.
The result could be an excellent marriage with an excellent life partner.
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David Lawrence - I have been working in development for nearly 20 years, mainly in the former Soviet Union, but also in Indonesia (Aceh) and Mongolia. For ...
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